


Hopeless

by newmaggs



Category: Twenty One Pilots, joshler - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Angst, M/M, Mean Josh, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-08-23 17:27:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8336485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newmaggs/pseuds/newmaggs
Summary: Josh gets angry and Tyler gets burned.





	1. Death Inspires Me Like A Dog Inspires A Rabbit

Josh was angry from another argument with the manager that sells his drums. Josh had a certain sound that he wanted to be translated into his custom drums, but this new manager can't seem to get it right. He walks into the bus and slams the door behind him. Tyler jumps at the the sudden noise dropping the fork he was holding while eating ramen. "Tough day?" Tyler asks picking up his fork and washing it off in the sink. Josh doesn't say anything and just sits on the couch with his arms crossed. Tyler wasn't entirely sure what to do, last time Tyler tried to cheer Josh up it ended with Josh yelling and Tyler crying. They have been slowly growing apart the last few years. Tyler missed when it was just the two of them playing music. Now they have to deal with managers and agents and the feeling that they are being controlled by the media. Tyler still loves Josh and decided to sit down next to him. "Hey I know you're mad but do you wanna play Mario Carts or something?" Tyler asks hoping that Josh will want to hangout with him. Josh shifts in his seat "no I don't want to play right now" he says in a monotone voice.

"Come on" Tyler says in a playful voice " how about grand theft auto?" it will help you get some of your anger out" Tyler offers. Josh just stares straight ahead "I don't want to play Tyler. Can you just leave me alone. It's not your job to make me feel better." Josh said with a bite in his voice. Tyler looks down at his hands saying "Sorry I just like you when your happy"

"Why do you always do that?" Josh asks shifting to look at Tyler. Tylers eyebrow furrow in confusion

"Do what?" he asks.

"Make me feel bad" Josh replies

Tyler just stares at him.

"I just wanted to sit here and cool off, but of course you have to come over here and act like a saint who has never been angry or has gotten in an argument" Josh says anger dripping from his voice.

"Look, I just wanted to help okay" Tyler fights back

When Josh doesn't reply Tyler rolls his eyes and starts getting up from the couch.

Before Tyler can get up Josh grabs his arm forcefully. Pulling him back on the couch.

"You think you're so perfect all the time!" Josh raises his voice now holding onto to both of Tyler's arms.

"Ow, Josh you're hurting me" Tyler says in a slightly panicky voice looking down at Josh's hands wrapped around his biceps. This isn't the first time Josh has gotten physical with him.

"You always act so innocent in interview's and on camera if only the clique knew what you were really like" Josh continues.

"Josh hey...i'm sorry alright please let's not fight" Tyler really didn't want this to escalate any further.

"No, this isn't a fight, if this was a fight you would fight back" Josh emphasizes the word fight each time he says it.

Josh squeezes Tyler's arms wanting to raise a reaction out of him. He makes a pained sound and struggles to get out from Josh's grip. Josh had always been a lot stronger than Tyler.

"See, pathetic" Josh states.

"Your such a little bitch you would let me do anything to you"

Tyler was on the verge of tears looking anywhere but at Josh. He should have just left him alone.

"I could probably hit you and you would just let me, you're such a pushover. You know that?"

Tyler knew that he didn't like confrontation but that didn't give Josh the right to treat him like this.

"Im sorry im not such a hot head like you!" Tyler spat back.

"What happened to you! You were never like this" Tyler said his voice cracking at the end.

That seemed to hit a nerve with Josh because now Josh was standing up pulling Tyler with him. Josh dragged him by his arm down the hall of their bus into the bunks ignoring Tyler's plea's to let him go. He threw Tyler on the ground then shut the sliding bus door behind him. Tyler tried to catch his fall but failed falling on his face. He quickly turned around and sat up afraid of what Josh was going to do.

"You really wanna know what my problem is?" Josh looked down at Tyler.

"You" Josh spoke with the most anger Tyler has ever seen on his best friend.

"I'm tired of the way you've changed since we've become more known" Josh said taking a step towards Tyler. Tyler scuffled backward trying to get away.

"I'm tired of the way interviewers only ask you questions and how my requested get constantly ignored!" Tyler's back hit the closed door that lead to their studio.

"And i'm tired of you always asking me whats wrong when the problem is you!" Josh reached down and grabbed Tyler by his shirt pulling him up.

Tyler gasped at the sudden movement and couldn't help but get teary eyed. Tyler avoided the eye contact Josh was trying to make.

"Don't you have anything to say?" Josh said shaking the grip he has on Tyler's shirt.

"I... I didn't know you felt that way Josh" Tyler finally spoke.

"I'll make some phone calls and make sure you get the attention you deserve Josh" Tyler pleaded. Josh scoffed at Tyler pathetic plea.

"You're so spineless" Josh stated.

"Im treating you like some rag doll and that's all you have to say?"

What has gotten into Josh? Why has he been getting so angry lately Tyler thought to himself. Tyler made eye contact for the first time.

"Josh" Tyler spoke his voice a lot smaller than he intended. Josh just looked up at him.

"Can you please let me go"

"Are you going to make me?" Josh replied Tyler broke his gaze and looked away.

"No " Tyler replied in almost a whisper.

"Then i'll let you go when I feel like it" Josh said leaning into Tyler's face. Josh felt like he was possessed.

"I'm not done with you yet. As I recall you're the one who wanted to help me release some of my anger" Josh said as he flipped Tyler around and pressed him against the door. Josh reached for Tyler's wrists and pinned them to the door.

"Josh what are you doing?" Tyler asked with fear in his voice.

"Whatever I want" Josh simply replied as if it was the easiest question in the world. 

"You know what else? I think I want to fuck you" Josh spoke directly into Tyler's ear.

"Just like that one time we got drunk in New York. Do you remember that night?" Josh spoke.

Tyler did remember they had just gotten back from a party and ended up sleeping together. Tyler said he didn't want to jeopardize the band and ended up telling Josh it would never happen again. But that was 3 years ago, a lot has happened since then the feelings Tyler had for Josh remained but Tyler swore never to act on them.

"I bet you're going to just let me fuck you aren't you Tyler?" Josh spoke into his ear.

"No...Josh this is too far okay" Tyler struggled to free himself panic slowly washing over him.

"Please" Tyler begged tears threatening to spill.

Josh grabbed Tyler by the back of his neck and bent him over one of the middle bunks pressing his head into the mattress. Tyler was now crying and tried to kick Josh off of him. Josh pulled his black skinny jeans down with his free hand revealing his ass. Josh moved his hand over the curve of Tyler's back thinking he's just as soft as he remembers. Just as beautiful as he always is. Josh was pulled out of his lul by the sound of Tyler crying and whimpering repeating "stop" over and over. Josh felt guilty but he was far too angry to care. He reached under his pillow and pulled out some lube. The snap of the cap seemed to make this whole situation real for Tyler. He started violently thrashing around and managed to get out from under Josh only to fall to the ground. Josh was on top of him in no time. There was no way Josh was going to let Tyler get away.

"What's the matter? You liked it the first time" Josh spoke over Tyler's cries.

Josh slipped a finger into him and Tyler just sobbed. Josh worked him open until he had three fingers inside him. Tyler went limb and gave up on fighting. It felt like hours but Josh finally pulled his pants down and started pumping himself. Tyler could hear the small moans Josh made and closed his eyes. Once Josh felt he was lubed up enough he pressed against Tyler's entrance. Tyler didn't even bother wiping his tears anymore. Josh pressed deeper and deeper into Tyler until he ran out of shaft. Josh was in heaven while Tyler was in hell. Tyler wished for nothing more but to be playing a show in front of no one in Columbus. Before everyone knew their name and before the stress of being known broke his Josh. Once Josh was done he pulled out of Tyler and pulled his pants then Tyler's.

"Maybe you should try to cheer me up more often?" Josh spoke as Tyler remained on the ground eyes unfocused. Josh walked out from the hall with all the bunks and Tyler heard the shut of the bus door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry


	2. Take My Soul And Make It Undone

Tyler doesn't know what to think of the incident that happened with Josh. Its been over two weeks, should he tell someone? What would he even tell them? This would ruin the band. Does he still love Josh? Of course he does. Whenever he is around Josh which is most of the time being that they are on tour he can't look him in the eyes. Does he even understand what he did? Tyler tries his best to act like nothing's wrong. When he's on stage, when they are doing an interview or just hanging out with friends. Josh also seems more distant and cold. Tyler decides to just pretend like it never happened.

Josh walks into the studio where Tyler is sitting at the computer with headphones on listening to the new tracks he has been putting together.

Tyler looks from the computer screen eyes landing on Josh, He quickly looks away.

"Almost done with that new track?" Josh asks sitting in a chair next to tyler.

"Not yet I can't get this beat to work with me" Tyler replies disguising his fear the best that he can. This is the first time he has been alone with just Josh, without an interviewer or one of the stage crew members since the incident. 

"Well let me know when you're ready for me to hear it so I can add some sick drums" Josh says getting up to head to a small drum kit they keep in the corner. Josh's sudden movement causes Tyler to flinch. Josh noticed and frowns.

Josh sits back down at his original seat next to Tyler. Tylers heart is pounding he doesn't know if he will survive another attack from Josh.

"Maybe we should talk" Josh says leaning forward in his chair.

"About?" Tyler asked keeping his eyes focused on the computer in front of him.

"You know" Josh replied in a serious tone wanting to get straight to the point.

"I just wanted to apologize for the other day" Josh says sounding sincere. Tyler seems surprised by this and just stares at Josh.

"Once I cooled off I realized that I... I..." Josh looked off in another direction like he was searching for the right words. 

"Hurt you" he finished his sentence. 

Josh reached for Tyler wanted to put a comforting hand on his shoulder and Tyler lost it. He flinched back out of his chair and started hyperventilating. Josh felt like the worst person to ever walk the earth. When Josh stood up Tyler backed into the wall.

"Please, Josh please don't" Tyler pleaded trying his best not to cry.

"No Tyler I'm trying to apologize, I'm not going to hurt you" Josh said holding his hands in front of him in a nonthreatening way.

"Hey I promise" Josh said after a couple moments of silence. Tyler seemed to have calmed down a bit but still stared at Josh attentively.

"Josh" Tyler said just above a whisper

"You... you raped me" Tyler choked on a sob.

"I told you to stop" Tyler let his tears fall freely "but you didn't!" he was yelling now and it felt good to just yell and be loud. "Why would you do that to me! You're my best friend!" Tyler was a crying mess by the time he was done releasing all the feelings he was trying to hide away. 

Josh stood there quietly for a minute looking at the floor.

"Hit me" Josh said calmly looking up. This confused Tyler.

"What?" Tyler said at a normal volume.

"Hit. Me." Josh repeated.

"What I did was horrible. So go ahead hit me as hard and as many times as you want. I won't fight back." Josh explained.

Tyler didn't know what to think of this strange request. He has never hit another person in his entire life and now he's supposed to just hit Josh? Tyler slowly walked up to Josh. Tyler balled up his fists took in shallow breaths through his nose. Tyler just stood there anger clear on his face staring at Josh. Staring at all the features on his face wanting to break and bruise them. Should I hit him? Its would feel amazing. Tyler thought to himself. Just to hit and hit and hit and never stop. 

"No" Tyler said after was felt like hours of uncomfortable silence.

"I don't want to hit you" he continued

"I don't want to take out my anger on you like you always do to me. I'm not some heathen." Tyler spoke anger dripping from his words.

Josh looked away. Thinking about how much better Tyler was then him. How Tyler didn't let anger get the better of him. Josh envied him.

"What are we going to do?" Josh whispered sadness in his voice.

"I don't know" Tyler said looking away.


	3. You Specialize In Dying

Things had kinda gone back to the way were before. Except Tyler still can't be alone with Josh without getting anxious. The shows went on as planned and Tyler was back to his old whimsical self during interviews. Tyler really believed that maybe everything will just go back to normal before things turned ugly. On one of those rare nights off Tyler, Josh and a few crew members decide to go out for some drinks. Tyler was never much of a drinker but he has a few beers and just enjoys being out of their cramped tour bus. Josh had been really nice to Tyler these last couple of days and buys Tyler all his drinks.

Josh notices that a guy from across the bar keeps checking Tyler out. This surges a bit of anger in him, he has had feelings for Tyler since the day he met him. Whenever Josh was alone with himself he would think back on the night he spent with Tyler in New York. That night was perfect. They were both buzzed and couldn't keep their hands off each other. Tyler was all soft kisses and smooth curves. There had been this sexual tension between the two of them for months and they finally did something about.

"Hey this is from this guy over there" a pretty blonde waitress says setting down a fruity drink in front of Tyler. She points to the man the drink came from and he flashes a small nervous smile. He looked to be around their age and had jet black hair and piercing green eyes. 

"I...uh... Tell him I said thank you" Tyler replies nervously blushing a deep red. "You should tell him yourself, he's cute!" she replies playfully with a wink walking off. All the guys at the table are encouraging Tyler to go say hi. Reminding him that he hasn't been on a date in years. Tyler looks nervously to Josh. Josh doesn't meet his gaze staying silent picking at the wrapper of his bottle of beer through the entire ordeal. Feeling a little tipsy and wanting to get over what Josh did Tyler goes against all his instincts and gets up walking towards this strange cute man.

"You have an interesting taste in drinks" Tyler says sitting in the stool next to this stanger.

"You look like you like sweet things" He replies flashing a kind smile.

"Or at least I hope you do considering I'm a sweet guy" he says wiggling his eyebrows.

This make Tyler laugh. He hasn't laughed much these past weeks he thinks to himself.

"What's your name?" Tyler asks

"Jack" he replies.

"I'm Tyler"

Tyler and Jack talk for a few hours at this bar. Jack offers to buy Tyler another drink but he kindly declines not wanting to get drunk. When Jack asks Tyler what he does for a living he isn't that surprised, he looks like a normal boring guy that doesn't follow the latest trends.

"I'm a performer" Tyler replies purposely being vague.

"Oh god you're a stripper!" Jack replies in a playful tone. Tyler's eyes widen and he blushes.

"No! Not that kind of performer! You perv!" Tyler says laughing playfully hitting his arm.

"I'm in a band" Tyler explains. Jack looks at Tyler suspiciously but then nods in acceptance.

"What's your bands name?" Jack asks taking a sip from his beer.

"Twenty One Pilots" Tyler says looking around hoping no one looks over at the mention of the band name. Jack almost spits his drink out.

"Wait I know that band I hear that stress song on the radio all the damn time" Jack says surprised.

"Yeah that's me... I mean us. It's just Josh and me in the band" Tyler says with a nervous laugh. Pointing back to the table where Josh and the guys were sitting. Tyler was surprised to see they weren't there anymore.

"Looks like my guys abandoned me" Tyler states.

"Well it is almost 3 in the morning" Jack says matter of factly.

"What! How long have we been talking?" Tyler says pulling out his phone to look at the time his self.

"I think we're going on hour 3" Jack replies

"But I could talk to you forever." He says in a hushed deep voice. This makes Tyler blush.

Do you need a ride home?" Jack offers. Pulling out his wallet to settle his tab. 

Tyler feels a bit of a panic wash over him. Does he really want to be alone with a guy he just met? What if he tries to pull something?

Jack could tell something was off.

"If you want I can call you a cab? I don't want you to feel uncomfortable." Jack offers.

"No... You know what I would love a ride." Tyler says confidently not wanting what happened to control him.

Jack pulled up to the bus parked in the back of a local venue.

"Wow thats your tour bus?" Jack asked in awe of the size of the vehicle.

"Yeah, it feels a lot smaller than it looks. We don't usually stay overnight in it but we've had incident of crazed fans breaking into our hotel rooms" Tyler says looking at his hands then back up at Jack.

"Thank you so much for tonight I really needed this" Tyler says

"Of course" he says with a smile.

" Oh and I'm totally going to go home and download all your music by the way." That makes Tyler laugh for the hundredth time that night.

Jack leans in staring at Tyler's lips. Tylers heart speeds up and Jack plants a soft kiss on Tyler's lips. All of a sudden Tyler is afraid and he's not sure why. All he knows is that he needs to get out of this car. Tyler pulls away suddenly.

"I...I have to go" Tyler says hoping Jack won't get angry and force him to stay.

"Okay i'll text you" Jack says with a sympathetic smile.

Tyler nods and gets out if the car walking over to his bus.

When Tyler walks in the bus is silent and all light are off.

"Did you fuck him?" Tyler hears a voice in the darkness. He stumbles looking for a light switch and ends up turning on one of the small lamps revealing the voice came from a red eyed Josh sitting on the couch.


	4. Tempted By Control Controlled By Temptation

When Tyler walks in the bus is silent and all light are off.

"Did you fuck him?" Tyler hears a voice in the darkness. He stumbles looking for a light switch and ends up turning on one of the small lamps revealing the voice came from a red eyed Josh sitting on the couch. It looks like Josh has been crying, his eyes were puffy and swollen. Maybe he's high? He knows that Josh has dabbled with drugs when he's off with his more shady friends, he thought to himself. Tyler just stared at Josh trying to swallow the lump forming in his throat, unsure how to answer.

"Did. You. Fuck. Him" Josh repeated emphasizing each word.

"No of course not" Tyler replied disgusted by the way Josh was acting.

"Really? You were all over him at the bar?" Josh replied standing up. Tyler didn't like where this was heading and backed away eyes locked with Josh's. 

"I saw you flirting with him" Josh said in a hushed tone not wanting to wake up the guys in the bunks.

"So what?" Tyler bit back standing his ground. 

"Jack is sweet. And I like sweet." Tyler continued even though he knew he was going to raise a reaction out of Josh.

"And you know what else Josh? You're not sweet. Not anymore that is." Tyler was angry now "I use to love how kind and cool you were but now you just bully me" Tyler was surprised with how together he has keep himself.

Josh just glared clenching his jaw he looked like he was going to hit Tyler any second now.

"I am not a bully" Josh replied wanting to believe his own words. 

"And I'm not the one that hid away my feelings"

"You slept with me that night in New York. Then you left. I love you Tyler. And I know that you loved me but now you hate me" Josh was crying softly now. Out of all the things Tyler's imagination worked up on what Josh was going to do, crying was not one of them.

"I don't hate you" Tyler whispered.

"After what I did how could you not" Josh replied as more of a statement than an actual question. Tyler didn't have a real answer for him so he just looked away.

"Are you going to see Jack again?" Josh said breaking the silence.

"I don't know. Maybe" Tyler said looking down at his feet.

That makes Josh shed another silent tear.

"Remember when it was just you and me recording music on your shitty laptop in your mom's basement?" Josh reminisced. Tyler smiled at the thought.

"I would give anything to go back" Josh said more to himself then to Tyler.

 

Tyler wakes up the next morning to a text from Jack.

Jack: Wow I'm not going to lie I might have shed a tear listening to Addict With a Pen.

Tyler: Does that mean you liked it?

Jack: God yes. I stayed up all night listening to your guy's stuff. I think Lane Boy is my favorite at the moment.

Tyler: I'm Glad :)

Jack: When can I see you again?

Tyler: We're only here until Sunday morning. How about tonight?

Jack: I would love that :)

They decided to keep it simple and planned on getting some dinner then coffee. Tyler looked at himself in the mirror of the buses tiny bathroom fixing his hair and pulling at his shirt nervously. Jack was going to be here any minute. This can't be a date Tyler thought to himself. He was only going to be in this city for a few more days and didn't want to have some sort of long distance relationship with Jack.

Josh hears a knock on the buses door and when he answers it he's greeted by a smiling Jack. Josh new exactly who he was and who he was here for. Jack hasn't even said a word yet but Josh already hates him. 

"And you are?" Josh asks

"Hi is Tyler in there?" Jack replied getting the feeling that this red haired guy doesn't like him. Josh pretends to look around the bus saying "No I think you have the wrong bus" This makes Jack shift uncomfortably.

The awkward silence is broken by the sound of Tyler opening and closing the bathroom door.

Tyler sees an annoyed Josh looking down at someone through the open bus door. His heart started racing and walks over to see a confused Jack looking up. As soon as Jack sees Tyler a smile spreads across his face.

"Looks like I do have the right bus" Jack says tilting his head and looking to Josh. Josh scoffs and crosses his arms.

"Look just watch out man, Tyler never knows what he wants" Josh says now facing directly at Tyler.

"That's enough Josh" Tyler replies glaring at Josh. His path out of the bus being blocked by Josh.

"Hey he should know what he's getting himself into" Josh shifts to look at Jack "I suggest you find someone who won't leave you out to dry" Josh says pointing to Tyler. Jack was stunned by the way this guy was talking to Tyler. Maybe that explains why Tyler seemed so nervous and fidgety all the time.

"Wow that seems uncalled for. Who are you?" Jack says Furrowing his brows and glaring at Josh.

"Me?" Josh says sounding offended. He stepping down to be at Jack's level. Josh seems to be about the same height at Jack.

"I'm the only other member of this band" Josh says right in Jacks face.

"And who are you exactly? Just some creep Tyler met at a bar and will probably never see again after tonight?" Josh says in a disgusted tone.

Tyler couldn't breath he just froze in place unsure what to do. He just looked back and forth from Josh to Jack.

"I'm not going to deal with some entitled brat. I've only been listening to your stuff for about a day and I can already tell where all the talent it" Jack says inferring to Tyler.

It happened so fast is was like Tyler blinked and missed it. Josh took a swing at Jack and hit him in the jaw knocking him back.

Jack fought back by shoving Josh to the ground landing a few punches only to be flipped over and tackled by Josh. Tyler jumped out from the bus and tried pulling Josh from Jack. Tyler wasn't strong enough and ended up getting an elbow to the face. Tyler watched in horror holding his slightly bruised nose in his hand until a security guard walked out from the venue and pulled the two apart.

"Get this guy out of here!" Josh exclaimed.

"He attacked me!" Jack replied.

The security guard ended up dragging Jack away because he didn't want trouble with his boss for getting one of the band members arrested.

"When did you turn into this monster?" Tyler said shaking his head walking off to find where Jack was being taken. Tyler's words made Josh's blood boil, he felt like such an idiot for attacking Tyler's date but the thought of that guys hands touching Tyler's soft cinnamon skin made him see red. he turned around and punched the side of the bus as hard as he could leaving a dent in the metal. He didn't care that his knuckles started to bleed. 

 

Tyler convinced the security guard to let Jack go. The only reason he complied was because he knew about Josh's temper.

"I'm so sorry" Tyler says as Jack got his hands cut free from the zip ties he was placed in.

"Don't be. That guy looked like he was overdue to get his ass beat." Jack replied rubbing his hurt shoulder.

"Yeah well he wasn't always like that" Tyler says looking down.

"I almost forgot" Jack says catching Tyler's attention. Jack reaches in his inner jacket pocket and pulls out what looks like a crumpled up flower.

"This is for you" Jack says holding out a red origami flower with a now crooked steam.

"It might have gotten a little crushed" Jack says with a chuckle.


	5. Watch It

You'll never know the psychopath sitting next to you

You'll never know the murderer sitting next to you

You'll think, "How'd I get here, sitting next to you?"

The lyrics spilled out of Tyler finally having a breakthrough with his writer's block. He spent the entire day in the bus studio working on the perfect beat to back up his words. It helped that they were back on the road to the next destination. After hours of staring at a computer screen Tyler looked at the small origami rose sitting on his desk where he left it. Remembering how he spent that evening with Jack. They went for dinner and ice cream and traded stories for hours. When Jack offered Tyler his guest room to avoid going back to the bus Tyler declined far to untrusting to take him up on his offer. 

"Why do you put up with him?" Jack's words echoed in Tyler's mind.

"He's my best friend" Was the only thing Tyler could come up with. 

Even though they parted as friends Tyler still felt guilty about the fight between Josh and Jack. He felt as if it was somehow his fault. That Tyler shouldn't have agreed to go out with him knowing it would only piss Josh off. He also felt guilty about pulling away during the kiss he shared with Jack. He felt so stupid for letting his fear control him. 

He completed all that could with the track at the moment and knew that he still had to get Josh to add some drums before having the song looked at by their producer and recorded in a real studio, not just the makeshift one in the back of their bus.

"You've been in here a while?" Josh said from behind Tyler causing him to jump a little.

"Three cans of Red Bull, This is gonna one hell of a track" Josh continued referring to the empty cans sitting on Tyler's desk.

"Yeah wanna hear" Tyler asked.

"Of course" Josh said excitement in his voice.

All my friends are heathens, take it slow

Wait for them to ask you who you know

Please don't make any sudden moves

You don't know the half of the abuse

Josh's face had a variety of emotions cross them as he listened to the song. He seemed a little hurt remembering how Tyler had called him a heathen. But also loved the song because it's one of Tyler creations. Josh loved anything that Tyler creates. 

"Wow it's...dark" Josh says once the track was done.

"Well our music has never been that light hearted" Tyler says looking away nervously.  
"Tyler?" Josh asked. Tyler made a Hmm sound looking to Josh.

"Is...is this song about me?" Josh asked slowly. Tyler had a look of realization cross his face then shook his head disapproving. 

"No. It's just a song" Tyler said trying his best to be nonchalant. Josh looked him up and down suspiciously.

"Okay well i'll start working on it" Josh finally said standing up and heading over to his drums.

"Alright thanks" Tyler says standing up to leave.

"Wait aren't you going to stay and listen?" Josh asked picking up his drum sticks. Tyler just looked away.

"No. I know you can handle it" he replied.

"But...you always stay and listen" Josh said trying to catch Tyler's gaze hoping that he will stay. Tyler frowns slightly and walks out the studio without saying a word shutting the door behind him. He threw himself into his bunk shutting the small curtain and let sleep pull him in. 

 

He's lying next to Josh running his fingers up and down his arm with a feather like touch. His beautiful tree tattoo is gone and his skin smells like vanilla. Tyler looks up to see a sleeping Josh. His hair is dark brown and fluffy and he looks so peaceful, so young. He moves his hand to rest on the sleeping mans chest taking in all the warmth he can. His skin is so soft and comforting. He wants to breath in as much of Josh as he can. Something far in the back of his head is telling him this isn't real. For some reason Tyler gets out of the warm bed. Why would he get up? That doesn't make any sense but his body doesn't seem to be his own at the moment. When Tyler finally fights through the invasion of his body he looks back to bed he was just in. But it's empty, his Josh was gone. He puts a hand on the bed feeling the soft blanket that covered it. The one he was just under.

He looks up and sees Josh standing in the doorway anger in all his features he's breathing hard and his eyes are focused on Tyler. His hair is a bright red and he looks worn out and pale like he hasn't slept or had a decent meal in days. He's wearing all black and giving Tyler a stare that sends fear through his body. Why is he so angry?

"Where did you go?" Josh says through grit teeth. He is suddenly taking huge steps towards Tyler getting right in his face cornering him. 

"Why are you ignoring me?" Josh asks. Tyler can feel his breath on his face. Josh grabs Tyler's arms shaking him.

"Why did you leave me!" Josh says a hint of panic in his voice. Tyler can hear his heart pounding in his ears. He feels like the walls are closing in on him and Josh's presence is so overwhelming. 

"Stop!" Tyler yells pushing him. Josh pushes Tyler back even harder his back hits the wall and a framed picture falls from the impact. Josh puts both hands on either side of Tyler's head trapping him. Josh is breathing hard rage racing in his eye. Tyler can't stand the intensity of Josh's eyes. He starts crying under Joshes stare, Its like Joshes eyes were replaced with identical eyes that only know how to hate. His ears are still ringing. Why can't they just lay in bed like before? Finally Josh strikes and sends his fist through the wall only inches from Tyler's face. Tyler stares at the hole in the wall and when he looks back to Josh but he's gone, Tyler looks around and he's completely alone. 

 

Tyler wakes up sweating. He's surrounded by darkness, he started to panic until he realized where he is. He pulls back the curtain letting light fill up the small space. He gets up and heads towards the studio. When he opens the door he see's Josh working up a sweat concentrating, playing his drums with headphones on. Josh looks up to see a panicked Tyler. He takes off his headphones and looks to him concerned.

"I didn't leave you" Tyler says anger in his voice staring directly at Josh.


	6. If You Stick Around, I'll Sing You Pretty Sounds

"I didn't leave you" Tyler says anger in his voice staring directly at Josh. Tyler takes a confident step towards Josh.

"I didn't want to jeopardize our band with a relationship" Tyler continues.

"I don't deserve this. I don't deserve any of this!" Tyler demands waving his hands around for emphasis.

"I deserve someone who's nice and gives me flowers" He says picking up the origami rose Jack had given him waving it around.

"You're right" Josh says nodding. Tyler is taken aback by this reaction he expected harsh words and angry eyes.

"What do you mean you didn't leave me?" Josh asked confused. Tyler gives his head a little shake remembering that he came in here to finally talk about that night years ago.

"New York" Tyler states letting the word hang in the air. Josh lets his head fall back in realization.

"I didn't just leave you. I wanted to stay" He continues saying the last sentence softly. Remembering that night when Tyler told Josh this could never happen again then collected his things and left. The next morning Tyler pretended like it never happened. At the time Tyler thought he was doing what was best.

"I still care about you, I always have" Tyler finishes, Josh holds his head in his hands for a few seconds then looks up at Tyler.

"You were my first" Josh spoke. Tyler tilts his head confused.

"You mean?...I...you were?" Tyler replied not able to find the rest of his sentence.

"Yeah, I was still a virgin that night" Josh said looking away almost like he was ashamed.

"Josh, Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was going to to but...I... I just didn't get the chance to I guess" Josh replied. Tyler was completely taken aback by this new information and now that he thinks about he doesn't remember Josh sleeping around before that night like he currently does.

"But that doesn't matter." Josh says pulling Tyler out of his thoughts.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything Tyler" Josh says standing up.

"I know I haven't been a great friend lately" Tyler thinks thats a big understatement but continues to listen.

"Do you... do you think you can forgive me?" Josh asks putting his hands in his pocket finally looking at Tyler. Tyler twists a piece of his hair between his fingers.

"I don't know right now Josh" Tyler says honestly.

"But what I do know is I want my best friend back." This causes Josh's heart to flutter. Josh also wanted nothing more than to erase these past years and start from scratch. Before he fell in love with Tyler. Before he had his heart broken. Before every emotion he felt was taken over by anger. Before he broke Tyler.

"We need to get along man. All we've done these past weeks... Hell this whole year is fight." Tyler says. Josh nods along agreeing with everything he says. Josh looks to the flower Tyler is still holding.

"You know...I can fold paper too" Josh says in a playful soft voice, looking at Tyler through his eyelashes. This makes Tyler smile and twist the origami rose between his fingers.

"Want to hear what I added to the song?" Josh asked

"Of course" Tyler replied feeling like he just had a weight lifted off of him.

 

Things seemed a lot less tense between them for the next few weeks after that conversation. Tyler even went out with Josh one night to explore the city they were in. Tyler has never been the type to just wander in strange locations but he was high on the new nature of his relationship with Josh. They got coffee and did a little window shopping all while the conversation between them felt natural. Not forced like they had been for the past year. Things felt right. Tyler felt like he was in the company of an old friend one that he missed and had not seen in a long time. They ended up climbing to the roof of some closed library they came across. Josh never understood Tyler's love of climbing things he has always gotten a little nervous whenever he was up too high but he couldn't deny that he would follow Tyler anywhere.

"God I missed this." Josh spoke slightly out of breath from climbing up the metal ladder. Tyler sat down with his legs crossed and placed his cold hands in the pocket of his warm sweatshirt.

"Me too" He replied staring off at all the different roofs of all the other buildings near by. Josh took a seat next to him and stretched his legs out infront of him.

"You should have brought your ukulele, I can't remember the last time you sang to just me." Josh spoke softly staring at the side of Tyler's head wishing he would look at him. Tyler just looked off at the grey horizon in front of them.

"The day after Valentine's day" Tyler said in a whisper.

"4 years ago. We bought some chocolate that was on sale and ate the whole box together." he continued finally turning to look at Josh who stared at Tyler slightly shocked that he would remember something like that. Josh let out a low chuckle finally remembering that day.

"Yeah, you sang Can't Help Falling in Love With You for the first time!" Josh said through the smile plastered on his face. Tyler loved when Josh got all smiley and squinty eyed.

"I thought is was appropriate being it was valentine's day and all" Tyler said trying to hide the slight blush the creeped on his face giving his ears a pink tint.

"The day after" Josh said matter of factly. This made Tyler laugh and shake his head.

"Same difference" he replied.

God, he wants to kiss him Josh thought to himself. He couldn't help it he has always wanted Tyler even though he sleeps with anyone nowadays he has always wanted just Tyler. He takes a chance and leans into Tyler giving him a stare that he hopes will let Tyler know his intentions. Tyler notices the shift in Josh's body language and glances at Josh's lips then back at his eyes leaning in. Tyler's heart is beating so fast. Their lips meet and it's so soft so gentle. Tyler melts under Josh's lips he wants this kiss to erase the rough hands that still live in Tyler's memory. The kiss intensifies and Tyler's hands roams Josh's chest remembering the soft vanilla skin hidden under his shirt. Josh is overwhelmed by the affection, he doesn't usually make out with his one night stands and the last time he kissed some one like this it was that night with Tyler in New York. The night he lost his virginity. Josh grabs the backs of Tyler's head and notices that he is shaking and stops the kiss.

"You okay" Josh says in a whisper his nose touching Tyler's cheek he can feel Tyler's quick breaths.

"I...I want to stop" Tyler says looking away. Tyler can't help but think about those same hands and the pain they inflicted on him and others like Jack. That same gentle mouth that spat venomous words at him. Those same kinds eyes that once held such menace in them. Tyler doesn't want to admit that he might actually be afraid of Josh. What if Josh doesn't want to stop? What if he doesn't stop? The dark thought made Tyler shiver. He just looks up at Josh hoping that he can't see the fear hidden in his eyes.

Josh nodded and sat back out of Tyler's personal space. Tyler released a breath he didn't know he was holding in.

"I'm sorry" Tyler broke the silence staring at his hands rubbing at the callouses on his fingers from playing the ukelele for so long.

"Don't be" Josh replied trying to make eye contact with Tyler.

"I shouldn't have made a move on you" he continued regret and sadness laced in his voice. Josh pulled his knees to his chest and let his chin rest on one of his knees.

"I don't want to hurt you ever again" Josh spoke

"It's like I have this anger in me that I can't control, I guess I had all this resentment towards you because I thought..." Josh tightened his grip around his legs.

"I thought you regretted sleeping with me, and when you acted as if nothing happen the next day I thought you didn't feel the same way." Tyler's heart sank. Josh never gave Tyler any indication that he was this hurt. The days after that night so long ago they both put their hearts on their sleeves and acted as if nothing happened between them. Tyler never considered the possibility that it was eating away at Josh as much as it was eating away at him. Josh perked up when Tyler moved closer to him. Their side were pressed together and Tyler placed his head on Josh's shoulder. They sat in silence watching the rest of the sun cross the horizon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've started the next chapter but it probably won't be up until the weekend. Feedback is always appreciated :)


	7. Only Skeleton Bones Remain

“We’re Twenty One Pilots and so are you!”  
They just finished one of the best set they have had in awhile. They were so in sync with one another it felt like a new beginning. They are even sharing a dressing room again like they use too. Tyler is sitting on the dressing room couch drinking water and checking twitter waiting for Josh to be done using the bathroom so he could shower. Josh finally walks out of the bathroom and when Tyler looks up at him he is surprised to see Josh’s bright fire red hair gone replaced with a fluffy cotton candy pink color.  
“You like?” Josh asks raising his eyebrows and pulling at the shirt that is sticking to his still wet from the shower body. Tyler stands up feeling the dire need to touch it.  
“It's so soft” Tyler speaks running his fingers through the slightly damp hair. Josh lets out a disbelieving scoff.  
“My hair is so rough from constantly dying it” Tyler is still staring at the color completely infatuated with it.  
“No… soft like...Like nice” Tyler finds it hard to explain exactly what he means. Josh just stares at Tyler’s beautiful brown eyes roaming the top of his head.  
“I love it” Tyler says with a toothy grin finally catching Josh’s gaze.

 

They have a two shows in vegas this weekend and are going to spend the next few nights in an actual hotel room. Josh and Tyler decided to share a room, they use to share a bed as well but Tyler decided on a room with two separate beds. The hotel treats them as well as their crew to amazing rooms. They are huge and lavish and decorated beautifully. The hotel even gifts them chocolates, champagne, and a bouquet of pink roses. Tyler notices they are about the same color as Josh's hair and cant resist posting a picture on twitter comparing the two.

 

“You should come” Josh asks pulling on a jacket.  
“I’m not much of a gambler” Tyler replies looking up from his phone while sitting in one of the hotels comfy plush chairs.  
“You don't have to gamble you can just kiss me before each roll for good luck” Josh offers wiggling his eyebrows smile stretched across his face.  
“Oh sure! I bet the clique would just love that” Tyler says with obvious sarcasm. Josh just laughs and picks up his phone and wallet.  
“Well, text me if you change your mind” Josh says over his shoulder heading out to meet some friends down in the hotel casino.

 

Josh is on his fifth Gin and Tonic and feeling amazing. He’s out with his guys Tyler and him have been getting along, he controlled his temper when he got in argument with a crew worker who lost lost his favorite ski mask and even won fifty bucks. A pretty blonde catches his eye and his first thought was to bring her up to his room for the night but it doesn't feel right. He feels as if he would be betraying Tyler if he were to sleep with someone else. He knows that he and Tyler aren't actually dating and he can fuck whoever he wants but there is something in him that just knows that he has something a little more with Tyler at the moment. He finally decides he's had enough for the night and heads up stairs alone.  
He stumbles a little with getting the door open but successfully unlocks the door. Tyler wakes to the sound of the door being opened and hears a slightly drunk Josh walk in humming We Dont Belive Whats On TV and playing air drums. When Josh sees Tyler peek out from under his sheets he stops and stares resisting every cell in his body telling him to just climb in bed with him.  
“Hello gorgeous, guess who won fifty big ones” Josh says pleased with himself taking his shoes and jacket off. Tyler just laughs too tired to take part in any witty banter and covers his face with the sheets. Josh walks over and pokes Tyler through the blanket.  
“Ummm, I'm trying to sleep” Tyler says in a playful voice staying hidden in his bed. Josh dropped to his knees leaning onto Tyler's bed resting his head on his crossed arms.  
“Come out I wanna look at you” Josh says staring at the lump in front of him.  
Tyler pulls down the sheet revealing his face and looks at Josh his cheeks are slightly pink from the alcohol he can smell on him. Why is he just looking at me and not saying anything? Tyler thinks to himself.  
“Hi” Tyler's says wanting to break the silence.  
“Hi” Josh replies taking in all Tyler's features his plump pink lips, sleepy eyes, and messy hair. Then a bit of sadness pulls at Josh's heart. He remembers that he is the villain in Tyler's story. Josh lets out a little huff and looks away.  
“Goodnight Tyler” he says standing up wishing they were sharing a bed. Wanting to run his hands through Tyler's soft hair and run his hands up and down his spine. Tyler thought this whole interaction was strange but doesn't say anything as he watches Josh walk into the bathroom.  
“Goodnight Josh” Tyler whispers into the now empty room.

 

They are packing up getting ready to hit the road once again when Tyler's phone vibrates in his pocket. He smiles when he sees it's a message from Jack. Tyler still texts Jack every once in awhile because he really does care about him and Jack has always been kind to him.  
Jack: What exactly is a kitchen sink to you Tyler? Please tell me it's killing me.  
Tyler: Listening to the old stuff huh?  
Jack: Dont avoid my question.  
Tyler: It's art you have to apply your own meaning to it.  
Jack: Tyler Robert Joseph you tell me what a kitchen sink to you is or so help me I will sneak into your bus and switch all your red bull with sugar free redbull.  
Tyler let out a laugh at the ridiculous message earning a strange look from Josh who is packing up the last of his things.  
“Who you talking to?” Josh asks. Tyler thinks that maybe he should lie and say his was talking to Mark but he’s always been a bad liar.  
“No one” Tyler says casually hoping Josh will drop it. Josh stops what he’s doing and turns toward him giving Tyler a look that says he’s expecting a better answer. Tyler fidgeted with his phone for a seconds before he replies  
“Okay, i’m texting Jack” Josh's face scrunches up as soon as he hears the name.  
“Oh” Josh says tensing up and awkwardly folding another shirt before putting it in his suitcase.  
“So… are you guys like...dating?” Josh asks staring at his suitcase clenching his jaw.  
“No, we're just friends” Tyler replies putting his phone away and taking a mental note to text Jack later.  
“What about us? Are we just friends?” Josh asks. This questions takes Tyler by surprise and he's unsure how to answer.  
“Us?... we’re?...well...I don't know what we are” Tyler stumbles over his words. Josh means more to him than any other friend but Josh has also been the source of most of Tyler’s troubles.  
“Do you think we could ever be more?” Josh says looking up from the suitcase in front of him.  
“Josh let's not do this” Tyler doesn't want to admit that he might never be able to trust Josh like before.  
“I want more Tyler” Josh closes the space between them standing in front of Tyler. He hopes he doesn't sound as desperate as he feels.  
“You know that we can’t” Tyler says staring down at Josh’s shirt.  
“Why not” Josh says with a huff.  
“Because our assshole manager doesnt think its a “good idea” ?” Josh continues sounding frustrated while using air quotes. Tyler winces remembering a meeting they had with their manager who suspected they were dating when they really weren't, and told them that wouldn't be professional.  
“Lets just say Fuck it and be together” Josh says grabbing Tyler's hands in his. The sudden touch makes Tyler pull away and take a step back.  
“No Josh, we can't be more because every time you get too close... I get....” Tyler says trailing off not wanting to finish his sentence.   
“I think I just need time” Tyler adds.  
“Will you ever get passed that” Josh says in a serious tone.  
“I said I was sorry what else do I have to do?” Josh demanded.  
Tyler just scoffs and shrugs feeling like an idiot for thinking that Josh might have changed.  
“I don't want to talk about this anymore” Tyler says turning his attention back to his suitcase.  
Josh takes a deep breath closes his eyes trying to keep himself together.  
“We have to talk about this I can't just continue on pretending that everything is alright” Josh finally says. Tyler keeps his eyes focused on his suitcase.  
“Say something. Talk to me” Josh says after a few moments of silence. Tyler stands his grounds and continues packing. Josh has always hated being ignored and being ignored by Tyler is on the top of the list of things he can't stand.  
“Fine” Josh spits out with a bitter tone. He takes a step towards Tyler and grabs his elbow.  
Tyler lets out little yelp, surprised by the sudden change of events.  
“Why do you always make me do this?” Josh says tugging Tyler forcing him to face him. Tyler is terrified by Josh's sudden burst and lowered his gaze not wanting to look into angry eyes.  
“Stop ignoring your problems and fucking deal with them” Josh says wanting desperately to rise a reaction out of Tyler. Tyler is breathing rapidly and looking anywhere but at Josh.  
“I...Josh please...I just...”  
“You what?” Josh cuts Tyler off in a sharp bitter tone one that makes Tyler shudder.  
“You want to just pretend like there’s nothing between us? Like i'm just anybody?” Josh is staring daggers into Tyler.  
“I just can't okay” Tyler finally says voice shaking. Josh just shakes his head and shoves Tyler away from him knocking him back against the nightstand by the bed. Josh shoves him again making him almost fall over.  
“Do something” Josh says as he gives Tyler another shove and Tyler's side hits the wall.  
“Fucking fight back” Josh demands. Tyler turns to face him then slides against the wall trying to get away. Josh hovers in front of him as if he was a predator and Tyler was his prey.  
“I don't want to fight with you” Tyler says in a small voice holding his hands in front of him.  
“That's so typical of you to just cower away from any type of confrontation” Josh says taking a small step toward Tyler.  
“You know what? This is all you’re fault!” He continued waving his hands around.  
“All of it! If you had just fought back then maybe I wouldn't have hurt you!” Tyler can't believe how twisted up things have gotten. He holds back tears not wanting to seem weak.  
"Don't you dare blame me!" Tyler spat back.  
"You raped me Josh. I can't just get over that. Every time I look at your hands all I can think about is how much they hurt when they hit or hold me down" Tyler's voice cracks but he successfully hold back a sob. Josh looks off not wanting to look at Tyler's tired eyes.  
"So, you know what? We can't be more because I don't want more" Tyler can't stop the words coming from his mouth he is just so angry at Josh and at himself and at everything and everyone.  
"I don't love you Josh. I hate you!"Tyler yells his eyes start to water but he refuses to shed anymore tears. Josh balls up his fists and catches Tyler's gaze.  
"I hate you and I wish that I never met you"

  
When did I end up on the ground? Tyler thought to himself as he sees Josh standing over him anger radiating from all his features. He still hasn't registered the punch Josh landed on Tyler's left cheek bone. Josh straddles Tyler's hips and grabs onto his shirt pulling him close to his face.  
"Take it back" Josh growls. Josh has never punched him before. Pushed and slapped? Yes but never punched and Tyler doesn't want to believe it. He staring into Josh's eyes looking at the little red veins forming in the corners of his eyes but he still doesn't believe it. He feels Josh's iron grip on his shirt holding him up but he still doesn't believe it. Am I in shock? Is this what being in shock is like? Tyler thinks to himself. He's pulled out of his haze when Josh slams Tyler into the ground knocking the wind out of him. "I!. Said!. Take!. It!. Back!" Josh says pulling Tyler up and slamming him into the ground between each word. Tyler is wheezing by the time Josh is done. He remains silent other than his sharp intakes of breaths partly because he still hasn't registered what is happening, and partly because he doesn't want to say anything else that will make Josh even angrier.

Josh is looking down at Tyler his eyes are unfocused and his chest rising up and down rapidly a purple bruise already forming around his eye. Josh just blinks and stares at his balled up fist wrapped around Tyler shirt. He didn't even know when he started crying but he can feel the wetness dripping down his cheeks and down his neck. He releases his grip on Tyler's shirt dropping him and gets off the smaller man. He stands up and runs his hands through his hair. I’m a monster, Josh thinks to himself. He only wants Tyler, not some blonde or twink that he met at a bar he wants his Tyler. But Tyler does not want him. Tyler hates him Josh thinks to himself letting tears fall freely.  
“This is hopeless” Josh breaks the silence his voice a wreck.  
"I can't do this anymore" Josh says wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He looks down at Tyler who tilts his head to look up at Josh.  
"Goodbye Tyler" Josh says as he runs his hands through his hair. He grabs his suitcase and walks out the hotel room with no intention of coming back.

 

It's over, it's all over Tyler thought to himself. His dream, his career, everything. He lying on the ground of a Las Vegas hotel with a bruised face and a broken heart. The look Josh gave him and the sound of his voice when he said goodbye can't be matched. Tyler knows that Josh is not coming back. He just knows. He also knows that he could never face the stage alone. He knows that his fingers will never dance across a keyboard without Josh to back him up. The band ends here on the floor of this Las Vegas hotel room. The band ended with the sound of the hotel door slamming shut. Tyler laughs. No, the band ended with the sound of the bus door shutting after Josh raped him. Tyler laughs again. No, the band ended before it ever really began with the sound of the door shutting the night Tyler left Josh in New York. Tyler laughs like it's the funnest thing in the world his laughs quickly turn into gut wrenching sobs. Once Tyler is completely out of sobs and his body is sore from yelling and crying he knows what he has to do. He always knew the black paint on his neck wouldn't just be symbolic one day.

 

It's all over the news. It's the headline taking over every news channel and online article. Tyler Joseph From Twenty One Pilots Found Dead in Las Vegas Hotel Room. Every channel had their own version of the story. Some said that Tyler couldn't handle the fame others said that Tyler has been planning this for a while now. The truth was Tyler hung himself and left no note. The only thing the police found is what they believed to have originally been a origami rose that was now torn up into pieces and left under Tylers feet.

 

The funeral was two weeks later in Columbus Ohio. Tyler was buried surrounded by family and pink roses. All the seats were full except for one reserved for vanella skin and cotton candy hair. Everyone was looking for Josh but he was nowhere to be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first fic ever. Thank you for reading and sharing this experience with me.
> 
>  
> 
> National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.


	8. Addendum

I have gotten many requests to continue this work. 

This was my first fic and was surprised by the amount of people that liked it.

Thank you for all of you who commented and left kudos

Although, the story ends on chapter 7 

I have written 2 more chapters and will upload them as soon as I finish editing them. 

|-/


	9. Hell's Hot for Good Reason

Static plays on an out of date television set. One that has mostly been used to collect dust in this run down “No tell” motel. The type of motel that you pay by the hour and try not to think about the stains that cover the room.

“Tyler Joseph Found Dead In Las Vegas Hotel Room” reads the headline before a generic blonde woman who is obviously reading off a teleprompter starts tonight's story.

_“It has been a little over 24 hours since lead singer Tyler Joseph was found dead in his Las Vegas hotel room. The police have ruled his death a suicide and found no evidence of foul play. With that being said drummer Josh Dun, the other half of the duo has yet to be found. No missings persons has been filed for the drummer but his where abouts have remained unknown. Later tonight on channel 6 news.”_

 

Josh sits on the scratchy motel bed holding a small square mirror in his shaking hands. As soon as the commercials run after the news story he brings the mirror up to his nose doing another line of the shit he bought from the most tattooed guy in the alley. He doesn't care what it is or that he just did three lines in a row, he just doesn't want to sober up enough to be able to think about how he killed his best friend. The closest person he has ever known, the only person he has ever loved. His phone is buzzing on the night stand but he ignores it, it's probably Mark.

Mark: Dude you’re scaring me where are you???

Mark: Are you okay? We need you.

Mark: The funeral is next Saturday in Columbus. Please tell me you’re coming.

 

Josh puts his phone down after confirming his suspicions not bothering to reply. He grabs at the bridge of his nose while squinting, his nose burns and his head feels like static. Josh gives his head a little shake before laying flat on the bed.

Tyler, Tyler, Tyler that's all he can think about. He left that hotel room because he didn't want to hurt him anymore. He knew Tyler was afraid of him even though he knew he would never admit it. He was the source of all Tyler's pain. As he stares at the dirty ceiling tears slowly escape his eyes. He is Tyler's pain. He is the only person in this world that carries Tyler's pain along with his own. The only one that knows of his own abusive behavior. His tears make his way down his face and touch his ears. He shuts his eyes trying to concentrate on something else, anything else. But, all he sees is Tyler's face. He is smiling a big toothy grin, his fluffy brown hair framing his face perfectly. He's laughing at some lame joke Josh made. This makes Josh even sadder because that laugh is gone, he will never hear it again. Josh then sees Tyler's bruised face under him, he is gripping Tylers shirt in his fist. Tylers brown eyes look unfocused, and afraid. That beautiful fluffy hair is a mess. Josh opens his eyes wanting the memory to disappear. Josh barely even registers that his phone is ringing. He sits up to look at who is calling suspecting its Mark or maybe his mom. But it's an unknown number. He doesn't give out his number so for an unknown number to call him is strange.

“Please be a telemarketer” Josh whispers to himself as he answers and holds the phone up to his ear. He doesn't say anything, he just listens. For a split second Josh swears that he hears Tyler breathing on the other end, but a voice runs through the phone.

“We need to talk” The voice says low and straight to the point and Josh knows exactly who it is.

Jack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be longer. 
> 
> feedback is always appreciated :)


	10. Time To Say Goodbye

_Their in Tyler's mom’s basement it’s not well lit but it is spacious. Tyler is playing a melody on his piano it's soft and enticing. Josh noticed that Tyler doesn't have his black band tattoos. Josh looks down and notices his own bare arms. Tylers piano playing gets louder and faster. Josh watches those skilled fingers run across the piano. Tyler is radiating so much emotion while he is playings it's like he is opening up a small part of him and giving it to whoever is listening. Once Tyler finishes the enchanting melody Josh notices that Tyler is crying softly to himself. Josh wants to comfort his best friend, he reaches out to touch Tyler's shoulder. As soon as he makes contact with Tyler's hunched over form Tyler starts bawling._

_“Please” Tyler cries pulling away from Josh's touch._

_“Tyler, It's me… Josh” he explains softly and Tyler cries even harder. Tyler wraps his arms around himself and stares down at the ivory keys._

_“Tyler i’m sorry” Josh finally says. He doesn't know what he's apologizing for but he knows that Tyler is crying because of him. Josh just hears Tyler sniffle a few more times before he sits up straight and starts playing again. Josh recognized the melody, Tyler is playing Truce. Just when Josh thinks Tyler is going to sing Tyler hits a wrong note then another wrong note and another. Tylers soft melody turns into a loud crashing and clanking of random keys without any music or song attached to it. Tyler is banging on the piano with his fists now with such anger. The whole room is filled with the banging of keys making Josh feel claustrophobic and almost afraid._

 

Josh jolts up suddenly, waking up to the sound of banging. Someone is banging on his motel door. Josh knows for a fact that it's Jack, he agreed to meet with him, but Jack had to come to him. Josh does not want to risk leaving his motel room and being seen by a grieving fan. Josh takes a few pills sitting on the bedside table swallowing them down with a swig of room temperature beer. He doesn't know what Jack wants from him but he only agreed to meet with him for the off chance that Tyler left a message with Jack. Josh numbly gets up letting Jack in. Jack notices Josh's heavy eyelids covering half of his red eyes. He can also smell Josh, he smells like stale sweat and alcohol. They just stand in silence for a few moments and the air is heavy between them. The loss of Tyler hangs heavy in the air feeling unreal and unsettling. Josh just stares at the stained carpet refusing to break the silence.

 

“You’re a mess” Jack finally says and Josh just scoffs remembering how much he disliked Jack and how he absolutely loathed how much Tyler liked him.

“Yeah, well my best friend just died.” Josh replied picking at a piece of skin hanging from his thumb.

“Something tells me that you had something to do with that.” Jack says with a bite in his voice. Josh clenches his jaw wondering how much Tyler told Jack about him.

“The Tyler I knew would never take his own life.” Jack continued.

“You didn't know him” Josh spat back suddenly anger bubbling under his skin. Jack just stared into Josh's blown pupils.

“I know that his favorite color was yellow, and that he liked cherry Slurpees, and he only played basketball to impress his father.” Josh just stared at Jack hating that he knew anything about Tyler.

“I also know that his first kiss was with a girl named Jenna in 8th grade, and that he is kinda afraid of his mom.” Jack continued a little smile forming at his lips remembering all the little things Tyler told him.

“So you know a little Tyler trivia, what's your point?” Josh asked defensively crossing his arms.

“My point is that I also know about your guy’s little rondevu in New York” Jack said while raising his eyebrow knowing it would catch Josh's attention. Josh can't believe that Tyler would tell him something like that. Josh really wanted to hit something.

“I know that Tyler had feelings for you and I get the feeling that things ended badly between you two. Whenever Tyler would talk about you it's was like he was afraid...” Josh looked away ashamed.

“afraid of you.” Jack said pointing a blaming finger in Josh's direction taking a few slow steps towards the pink haired man. Josh really wanted to break that finger.

“What happened in Vegas Josh?” Jack asked in almost a soft tone. Josh just shook his head not wanting to think about the event that took place just a few days ago. How he just left Tyler alone in that hotel room without planning to return. Josh just shook his head while saying

“Nothing, I just left that day… I found out what happened that evening on a TV at the bus station.”

“Bus station?” Jack asked confused, there is no reason he could think of for Josh to be at a bus station. Josh just shuffled awkwardly on his heals.

“Yeah… Tyler and I… we kinda got in a fight and well… I… left” Josh spoke his words a little slurred and slow from the drugs.

“left ?” Jack repeated wanting Josh to elaborate.  

“Yeah, I left… the band.” Josh finally said trying to remain calm, not wanting to cry. Just saying those words out loud made him feel more ashamed.

Jack was in disbelief, Josh really was the reason Tyler did what he did, just as he thought. He can't believe that someone like Josh was standing in front of him alive and well while someone as special and kind as Tyler was in the morgue. Jack let out a huff and couldn't control his own reaction. The next thing Josh knew Jack was right in front of him. He didn't know if it was just because of the drugs or if Jack was really that fast. It was like he blinked and Jack had him pinned up against the wall behind him. Jack’s forearm pinned across Josh's chest holding him in place and in Josh's condition there was no way he could move.

“You’re scum.” Jack growled low and angry.

“I knew that you were toxic for Tyler the day I met you.” Josh did his best to try to break free but the drugs were drowning his brain making his arms and legs feel like they were covered in molasses. He tried to move his arms and fight back but his brain couldn't seem to make them work.  

“You abandoned him. Used him up then left him to die! You killed him!” Jack yelled his voice full of pain his green eyes filled with rage. Josh just stared back eyelids low and worn out. Jack could see a bit of a twitch in Josh’s eyes and nose like he was holding back tears. Jack wanted to kill the broken man in front of him, wanted to avenge Tyler but a different thought crossed his mind.

“ You know what? I’m glad you’re alive Josh” Jack spoke in a normal tone, loosening his grip. Josh was confused by Jack's sudden change in demeanor, not knowing where this was heading.

“You are going to have to live the rest of your life knowing that you’re the one that killed him”  Jack spoke before pushing off of Josh. Josh didn't say anything he just let Jack's words soak into mind. Jack pulled out his phone and after a few moments Josh couldn't believe what he was hearing.

“I’m sorry Jack… i’m… i’m just so sorry.” Tyler sniffled his broken voice played over the phone in a short voicemail meant for Jack. Josh blinked hard and gasp for air like he was punched in the stomach, thinking that maybe his mind was just playing tricks on him.

“You did that.” Jack finally said swallowing hard, before slipping his phone back in his pocket,  leaving Josh's motel room slamming the door behind him.

 

As soon as the door slammed shut Josh slid down the wall he was leaning on and cried. His legs sprawled out in front of him and his face in his hands. Josh just cried not caring about the paper thin walls and how the people next door could probably hear him. Jack was right it was his fault. After what seemed like hours Josh ran out of tears. All his limbs were numb and all Josh wanted was to collapse into himself and disappear. He couldn't get the sound of Tyler's broken voice out of his mind or how afraid Tyler must have been in his last moments.

Josh stopped his crying abruptly after a thought occurred to him. If Tyler has left a voicemail to Jack them he probably sent one to him as well. Josh shot up from where he was sitting and grabs his phone, wiping the tears that covered his cheeks and neck. Josh always kept his voicemail locked so he wouldn't keep getting those annoying notifications. After entering in his voicemail password Josh just stared down at his phone, staring at the only named that mattered within the long list of unheard voicemails.   

**Tyler**

Josh just stared at the name before finally working up the courage to click on the voicemail.

A few moments of silence played before Josh heard his voice.

“... Josh I’m sorry alright… I never meant for any of this.” Tyler's voice sounded cracked and uneven.

“I have to do this… It's over… it's all over.” Josh started to cry along with Tyler.

“I didn't mean it… I love you Josh i’ve always loved you… Even when I hated you I loved you. Maybe in a different lifetime we can… we will… oh god… I’m just sorry okay. You have to forgive me Josh please forgive me.” Josh couldn't stop the stream of tears that fell down his face.

The short voicemail ended and Josh felt numb. He has cried more in the last 24 hours then he has in his entire life. Josh knows he can never go home nothing will ever be the same. How could he face his mother or Tyler's mother, not after what happened. How will he explain it to the clique? or the crew? Josh packed up the two small bags he brought along with him just as he was about to leave the hotel room a flash drive falls out from his bag. It's the flash drive he shared with Tyler the one with all the new tracks and ideas they have been working on. Josh pauses before pulling out his laptop. After pulling up Reddit Josh uploads the newest track anonymously. The one Tyler spent his last days on. The one that tells the final story between them two. Josh decides to name it “Heathens” he wanted the clique to have one last testament of what was Twenty One Pilots. Josh then pulls his black hoodie over his pink hair and heads south without any real destination in mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate each and every one of you who read this fic and i'm sorry for the sadness.


End file.
